


It's Fine

by redwolfehunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, only in the second chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5437796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwolfehunter/pseuds/redwolfehunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader was left alone at the bunker when she no longer has the self control to keep from hurting herself</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this may have been based off of my own personal issues. Sorry if that makes me selfish. Writing this somehow made me feel better though so if ya'll feel like this then I hope this actually helps all of you feel better too

You had been with the boys for a little over a year. You were a decent hunter, not the best but not the worst. You had been hunting on your own for about 5 months before Sam and Dean Winchester offered to take you in. You happily accepted. 

You had always been one to self-harm. Yeah, you knew it was a bad idea, but you had been doing it since you were a teen. It had gotten better when the boys first took you in, but now it had come back full force. 

Did you have a crush on the elder Winchester? You weren’t sure. But something definitely stirred you up whenever he would pick up those pretty, little, skinny girls at the bars. You didn’t find yourself very pretty. You were okay. You sure weren’t skinny. All of your clothes had to be sizes XL or sometimes larger. You weren’t sure if you were jealous of the women or if you were figuring out that Dean would never go for a girl like you.

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked up at him from the bunker’s kitchen table. “Dean and I are going to a bar. Wanna join?”

“Nah, I’m good. I kinda feel like just staying in for the night.” There was no way you wanted to go to a bar and watch Dean hook up with another skinny girl. Sam nodded his head in understanding and left the room, giving a short goodbye as he went. 

You were fine for most of the time. Then it hit you. That’s how it always happened. You would be fine and then all of a sudden BAM, your thoughts would hit you like a truck. You started thinking about how fat you were, how you slowed down the guys on all of the hunts because of that, and many other things. You somehow always managed to mess up something while you and the guys were hunting. Every time that would happen, you would cut yourself at least one more time. 

That’s essentially the situation you found yourself in right now. You were leaning against the wall of the bathroom with a nice in your hand. You had already made one cut against your stomach. That’s where they always went. Not only did you want to hide it from the boys, but that was also the place you hated the most. “It’s fine. This is fine.” The second, third, fourth, and fifth cut went across your stomach before you started to cry. They were silent tears, slipping down your cheeks and onto your chest. 

You made one more slice into your skin and watched the red blood trickle out of the cut and down your stomach. “It’s fine.” You suddenly thought about how awful this actually made you feel. What would the boys think of they ever found out? Lord knows about Dean, but you knew Sam would be crushed. Cas would just be confused. The thought of the boys finding out forced you to let out a loud, choked sob. 

“Y/N?” You froze. When did Dean even get back? You quickly locked the bathroom door as you heard his footsteps grow closer. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” You started wiping the tears from your eyes and grabbed a washcloth for when you would start wiping off your blood.

“Are you sure? I thought I heard you crying.” You started to panic slightly, trying to think of what to say. You quickly sliced open the palm of your hand and wiped off you knife, hiding it under the sink. 

“Oh, yeah I accidentally cut my hand on one of artifacts in this place. It’s fine.” You hoped he would believe you, especially since you had the wound to at least kind of make it seem real. 

“Well unlock the door and I’ll help patch you up.”

“No!” Your voice came out louder and faster than you meant it to. “No, I have it under control.”

“Y/N, unlock the door.” He knew something was up. You still didn’t unlock the door, hurrying to put your shirt back on so he would see your stomach. “If you don’t open the door right now then I’ll kick it down.”

“Alright, alright.” You unlocked and opened the door, moving back to the sink to wash some of the blood from the cut on your hand. You held it up for him to see. “I told you it’s fine.” 

“Y/N..” You looked at him, noticing he wasn’t looking at your hand. You looked down and saw where your lavender shirt was stuck to your skin, showing off the blood that was now seeping through it from your wounds. “What the hell is that?”

“We’re not doing this.” You pushed past him, leaving the bathroom. There was no way you were going to have this conversation with Dean. He grabbed your arm and pulled you back to face him. You tried to pull out of his grasp but he didn’t let you.

“The hell we’re not!” He yelled at you. You knew he was mad. At least now you knew how he would react. “Why?!”

“Why what?” You weren’t going down easy. You didn’t want to talk about it so you were determined to put it off as long as possible. He frowned. 

“Don’t try to act like you don’t know what I’m asking.” When you still didn’t answer he growled in frustration and tightened his grip on your arm. “Dammit Y/N! Tell me why!”

“I deserve it!” You screamed back at him. He was so surprised that he essentially let go of you and you tore your arm out of his grasp completely. “I’m fat and ugly and I deserve it.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean looked genuinely confused but you simply snorted and rolled your eyes.

“Don’t act like you don’t agree.” His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to respond but you cut him off. “I’m done with this. Goodnight, Dean.” You headed to your room but he followed.

“I’m not done with this! You don’t get to tell me what I think of you, Y/N!” You spun around, causing him to almost run into you. You glared up at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not the one that sliced open your damn stomach.” Both your’s and his eyes widened at his words. He clearly didn’t mean for that to come out. Your felt tears come to your eyes and you didn’t even care to hold them back. All you did was turn back around and head to your room, locking the door behind you.

It had been at least two hours and Sam had finally come home. He called through your door to see if you were still awake but you didn’t answer, encouraging him to leave. You had been laying in your bed since the incident with Dean and you were not in the mood to do talk with anyone right now. Another 10 or 20 minutes passed before there was a knock at your door.

“Y/N?” You tried not to start crying again when you heard Dean’s voice. You turned your back to the door, laying on your side. “Y/N, please let me in. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m so sorry.” He waited for you to answer, to open the door, but you didn’t. “I’m going to come in. I’m really worried about you.” You heard him picking at the lock but you didn’t turn to face him. The door opened and closed and you felt the bed sink under his weight.

“What do you want?” Your voice cracked when it came out and you could hear him sigh. He pulled you up, and you let him, so that you were held tightly in his arms.

“I found the knife. I took it. I’m so sorry you feel like this. I’m so, so sorry for what I said. I was angry. I couldn’t believe I let you do this to yourself.” He mumbled. You looked up at him. He literally found you after YOU hurt YOURSELF yet he was still blaming it all on him. “I should’ve been here to help you. I should have made sure you didn’t feel like this.”

“Dean, I don’t feel like anything. Yeah, I guess I’m upset, but it’s fine. I know how I look, this is my way of coping.” He sighed again and he held you tighter, pulling you into his lap. You tried to get away, worried that you’d crush him, but he held you still. You tried to protest but he stopped you.

“Shh..just let me talk. You’re not ugly. You’re beautiful, so beautiful. You’re not fat, either. There’s nothing wrong with having a little more meat on your bones and there’s still not enough there to even come close to making you fat.” You laughed a little. “I’m serious. Someday you’ll get it.”

“Sure.” You shook your head a little. You suddenly felt spent. Your whole body felt tired. You looked at the clock. It was 2:36 a.m. “Dean, I need to sleep.” He let you go and let you get under the covers. You hadn’t noticed him get into the bed with you until you felt his arms pull you back against him. “What’re you doing?”

“Keeping you safe.” He knew you were about to protest, probably with some excuse of how you might crush him in your sleep so he gave you a light squeeze around the waste. “Just let me do this. It’s fine.” You couldn’t help but smile a little. He wasn’t very good at handling his own emotions but he was trying pretty hard to handle yours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has been keeping a close eye on Y/N but she still finds away. Deano isn't a fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's my second chapter! There IS smut in this so...

Ever since the incident a few nights ago, Dean had been keeping a very close eye on you. If you tried to stay back at the bunker instead of going to the bar then he would stay with you. He even slept in your room most nights, even if he was just on the floor or in a chair. 

You were definitely not a fan of this. You still didn't understand why Dean would ever tell you you weren't fat or ugly. You had eyes, you could see your reflection. You were still pretty mad that he had taken your knife and was keeping all of your weapons for hunting locked up. You were determined to find a way to keep hurting yourself. 

You had "accidentally" fallen down the stairs at least three times. You "accidentally" burned yourself on the stove. You hadn't done anything else since your fall down the stairs earlier that day so you just sat on your bed, reading up on some lore for a case Sam had caught wind of. Dean came into your room, closing and locking the door behind him. You glanced up from your book. "We need to talk."

"What do you want now, Dean?"

"I know what you're doing." You looked at him blankly, trying to keep from showing him that you need you had been found out. 

"And what am I doing?" Dean glared at you, stalking closer to your bed. 

"You're hurting yourself by doing stupid shit and playing it off as an accident." He almost growled at you, taking the book and throwing it somewhere in the room. You just stared him, not understanding why he was getting so upset. He sighed, running his hands through his hair and over his face. "Ya know what? Fine. Unless you tell me to stop, I'm gonna show you just how fucking beautiful you are."

"What are you-" You were cut off by Dean's lips pressed against yours. You couldn't believe this was happening. You had a giant crush on the elder Winchester. Who wouldn't? But you could not figure out why HE was kissing YOU. He grabbed your arms, pulling you up from the bed and separating his lips from yours. 

"Like I said, you say stop and I will." He placed his hands on your hips, pressing his lips against yours again. He pulled you sharply against him, making you gasp and allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth. 

Before you knew what was happening, your shirt was on the floor and Dean's lips were on you jawline, kissing down your neck. You tried to pull away, figure out how to cover yourself up, but he stopped you. "Calm down, princess, it's fine. It's more than fine." With that, he pulled your leggings from your legs, leaving them on the floor with your shirt. 

Dean pushed you back, laying you back down on the bed. He reattached his lips to your neck, licking and nipping at the skin. You whimpered softly as his teeth came in contact with the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. He snaked his arms around you, unclasping your bra and throwing it across the room. He licked and kissed his way down to your chest, sucking one of your nipples into his mouth and tugging on it with his teeth. "Dean!"

"Shhh, sweetheart, I'm gonna take care of you." His hands trailed down your front, giving a slight squeeze to both of your breasts before they trailed down to your hips. He moved his body down yours, his face above your stomach. His hands moved down and started removing your panties. He placed kisses on every single scar that marked your skin before looking up at you, meeting your eyes. "So beautiful."

He slide his way further down your body, spreading your legs and placing his head in the juncture of your thighs. He kissed up the insides of both thighs before licking at your wet folds. You gasped and moaned as he nipped and sucked at your clit. He suddenly slipped two fingers into your dripping hole, curving the up into you. You arched your back, moaning his name. He sped up the pace of his fingers, crooking them against your g-spot, and sucked your clit into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. All too quickly, you were coming around his fingers and into his mouth. 

"Delicious." He sat back, licking your orgasm from his fingers. You blushed up at him, suddenly becoming very self conscious. You reached to pull the blanket over yourself but he stopped you, holding your wrists against the mattress. "Still don't think I'm right? I guess I'll have to try harder." He release your wrists and got up from the bed, removing his clothing quickly and grabbing a condom from his wallet. You couldn't help but stare as he slid the condom onto his very large erection. The size alone was worthy enough to stare at but you were shocked at how turned on he was. He crawled back up the bed, rubbing his erection against your folds. 

"Dean, please." You couldn't help but whimper as he pressed the head of his cock against your clit. He smirked down at you.

"Well, since you asked so nicely." He slid his cock deep inside you, giving you a few moments to adjust before he started moving in and out of your hole. "Oh, princess, you're so tight around me. This is better than I imagined." You blushed as he pushed harder into you, grinding his pelvis against your clit. You moaned loudly, clawing at his back. "Fuck, that's so hot. I love making you make those sexy little sounds."

"Dean!" You gasped as he took a nipple between his teeth, tugging at it again. You threw your head back, your moans and whimpers becoming much higher in pitch. You were close and you both knew it. 

"C'mon Y/N. You're so close, baby girl. Let go." And you definitely did. You swore you saw white as your orgasm flooded your body. His hips jerked unsteadily against yours and you felt him twitch inside of you. 

After a few moments, he got up and removed the condom, tying off the end and throwing it away. He came back over and laid beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulled you closer to him. "Do you finally believe me?" You smiled a little, looking up at him and kissed him softly. 

"I may need a little more convincing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too bad lol

**Author's Note:**

> I thought about doing a second chapter, maybe with some smut, if ya'll liked this. I'm sorry for any spelling errors, I did this on my phone. Please give me feedback!


End file.
